“How long will it take to achieve my goals? It feels like I’m not making any progress.”
This is a question I’m often asked by my coaching clients when they have a goal or dream – whether it’s finding a job or a partner, dropping a dress size, writing a book, or signing a new client.
They start getting frustrated when it feels like success or results are taking longer than they think it should.
Here’s the trap…
We have a tendency as humans to create expectations of how long things should take (sometimes subconsciously and generally we do it to give our Ego Mind a sense of certainty to make it feel safe).
But when our goals and dreams take longer than we expect, our conditioned position is to attach meaning and think that either: a) we are doing something wrong or b) that there is something wrong with us.
Self-doubt and lack of confidence ensues.
The worst-case scenario is we start thinking what’s the point and give up.
The way I look at it, is refocusing on what’s true.
Here, there are four main points.
- How long is a piece of string?
This is the question I will often ask my clients. The answer is either, I don’t know or ultimately a guess. And it’s the same with going after your goals and dreams – if you’ve never done it before, if you don’t have all the information or expertise, then how do you know how long it’s going to take? It’s only ever going to be a guess. And that’s because of points 2 and 3 below.
2. We can’t predict the future
It would be wonderful to be a fortune teller but we don’t have a crystal ball. The truth is the future is an incomplete equation and anything is possible.
3. We can’t control outcomes
Try as we might at controlling an outcome or external event, the truth is sometimes life happens or the universe has other ideas. Things like outcomes are outside our control. They’re just not up to us. (And ironically the more we want something, or feel we need it, the less likely it is to come into our world.)
4. There is nothing wrong with you
There is no relationship between the length of time something takes and our worth and capability as a person. You are innately awesome regardless of outcomes or however long it takes to achieve your goal. Your worth is not tied to results. You are and always will be enough.
So, what do you do when the frustration kicks in?
- Take the pressure off by focusing on the facts versus the meaning
It’s all nice having a deadline – we use that to motivate us – but it becomes unhelpful when we morph it into an expectation that we tie our worth and ability up in. So, ask yourself what are the facts of where you are right now (eg I don’t have a job, I’m single) and then ask what meaning are you attaching to the facts (eg I can’t find a job so it must mean there is something wrong with me). Focus on the things you can control (like showing up, being consistent, embracing a positive vibe, taking action etc) versus the things you can’t control. What’s funny is this little shift can be enough for progress and magic to take place.
2. Remember your WHY and your truth
Refocus on your why and what you’re wanting to achieve. This brings you back into you where you can remember your truth and how amazing you are while also taking your focus away from the “lack of outcome” to focus on what you can do right now to help move this forward.
3. Accept where you are in relation to your goal or dream
Often our greatest suffering comes from the thinking or expectation that things should be different to how they actually are. We try to fight it rather than accept that “it is what it is” and outside our control. The thing is once we accept that, we stop the overthinking and that allows us to be more present. And it’s from this place that creativity and possibility comes from, where we find new ways of doing things or inspiring ideas come to us and suddenly the goal or dream doesn’t seem so out of reach anymore.
4. Don’t give up
The length of time something takes is not a barometer of anything. It is merely a unit of time. It’s normal to feel discouraged and frustrated (it’s how we’ve been programmed) when we feel like we’re “not achieving” or “not achieving more”. But when we feel like this it’s important to intentionally keep showing up, be consistent, take action and not give up. It sort of makes sense that that’s how your goal will be realised regardless of how long it takes.
#ownyourawesome
If you’re a woman with a calling, impossible goal or secret dream and it feels like you’re stuck or not making any progress, then check out the Dream Clinic community for support, inspiration, motivation and accountability. More info here.
Here’s a video explaining the mindset trap we can often find ourselves in and three things we can do about it to help us get unstuck and moving forward again.
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PS – Feeling discouraged by your lack of outcomes at not achieving your goal and feel like there’s something wrong with you? Maybe my six-session Self-Doubt and Confidence Mastery package will provide clarity on moving forward with your goals. Let’s talk and see if it’s right for you.