How do you improve your self-worth?

How can I improve my self-worth?

That was the question I asked myself when I experienced the fallout from an emotionally abusive relationship.

It’s taken several years to put the pieces together to realise it wasn’t a matter of trying to improve my self-worth but rather recognising my self-worth was always there.

Bottom line…

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Small steps to success

It’s all about the small steps and taking the next one.

When I first set out walking the length of New Zealand, the whole concept was so huge and overwhelming and I was filled with self-doubt and worries about what ifs.

It proved to be pretty paralysing for the first couple of years I toyed with the idea – and consequently talked myself out of it.

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Self-doubt doesn’t have to hold you back

“If only I didn’t doubt myself then I’d be able to walk the length of New Zealand.”

That’s what I told myself over and over again when I was “trying to find” the courage to take on the adventure.

I thought my self-doubt was holding me back, stopping me in my tracks, and pointing to a belief that I just wasn’t good enough.

I finally got to the point where this thinking was driving me crazy and somewhere inside me wanted to prove it was all wrong. I’d put off doing the walk for three years, too consumed with self-doubt.

Enough was enough!

But my self-doubt didn’t vanish.

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Your dreams are waiting

The girl stood on tip toe on the narrow knobbly rock, one hand holding on for dear life, the other reaching for the ledge above.

The ground plummeted some 5 metres below.

Her friend holding the ropes sat not far above her, urging her on.

She had about one metre left to climb. She just needed to get over the ledge, the tricky obstacle in her way.

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We are all brave

I don’t consider myself especially brave.

Yet I’ve been called that a lot recently.

It all started with my solo trek down the length of New Zealand.

But I definitely didn’t feel brave when I stood at the northern tip of New Zealand about take the first step.

In fact, I was a total bundle of nerves and riddled with self-doubt and fear. I’d never done anything like this before. Who was I to think I could walk 3,000km (1,864 miles)?

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Life lessons I learnt sailing around Great Britain

Almost four months on a cosy 28-foot boat with the love of your life, dealing with temperamental weather and an ocean as changeable as a teenager’s mood swings is one of those experiences that make you look at life and your place in it.

I don’t know if I’d go as far to say I’m stronger or that it was a transformational experience – during the sail I often compared to my 3,000km (1,864 miles) walk down the length of New Zealand, which really did change me as a person – but the sailing challenge made me sit up.

These are some of the things I learnt.

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You’re stronger than you think you are

We’d been sailing all night and were coming up 17 hours on the water.

It had been a night darker than coal; no moon, thick dense cloud. I couldn’t even make out the bow of the boat.

The wind had been keen and the waves had whooshed. It was anyone’s guess what they looked like beyond the ghostly froth of bubbles that stirred as the boat ploughed through the water.

It felt like the waves were big. It felt like we were going fast.

Come the grey of morning, we were exhausted and the sea was a confused mess, as if it was throwing a temper tantrum at the injustice of the early start to a new day.

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