I was talking to my mum the other day about self-development and we got onto the topic of relationships.

Previously I was in an emotionally abusive relationship which sapped my dwindling spark but how things can change – I’m now about to get married next year to the most wonderful man.

And in the intervening years I’ve mastered a lot of my self-doubt, rewritten my self-worth story, created a new direction and purpose and generally feel more positive, optimistic and grateful and just better about myself than I have for years (and we’re probably talking over 20 years here).

Mum postulated that having someone now who loves me unconditionally and treats me with compassion and respect is holding up a mirror reflecting the good-vibe feelings I want for myself so that I too can feel those.

It’s why we should surround ourselves with circumstances and people that makes us feel good, she said, rather than circumstances and people that sap our energy.

And hell yes, who doesn’t love having a cheerleader? Someone who is rooting for you, who doesn’t care about your little imperfections, who just loves you for who you are? (My mum is one of my best cheerleaders).

And she is right. There’s a heap of strength and power in this – it’s why we tend to like hanging out with people who like us and who make us feel good. It’s one of the reasons the coaching industry is there and does so well.

But having a cheerleader who holds up a mirror is only part of the calculation to feeling better about yourself.

Because if you take that cheerleader away and that was the sole foundation for feeling good about yourself (whether you consciously realised it or not) then suddenly you’re on shaky ground and your identity and beliefs about yourself become fragile.

That’s because the mirror can’t be held by someone else.

You have to hold your own mirror. You have to be the one who loves yourself unconditionally, who treats yourself with compassion and respect – rather than relying on someone else.

When we hold our own mirror, that’s when self-belief and feeling good about ourselves becomes unshakable and enduring. That’s when you can ride out the storms of life and be resilient in the face of obstacles and challenges and be courageous when we need to confront our fears.

As nice as it is having someone cheering us on from the sidelines, the only cheerleader we really need in life is ourselves.

The good news is that that cheerleader is already sitting inside us just waiting to grab the pompoms if only we let it.

And trust me when I say it wants to be let out. They want to roam free and shout from the roof tops about how flipping amazing you are.

Because that’s the truth.

I’ll be running a six-week group workshop for women in the New Year aimed at awakening your inner cheerleader. If you’re interested in registering or want more information drop me a message.

#ownyourawesome

PS – If you know of someone who might benefit from this blog or this group coaching workshop that will discover and unleash the inner cheerleader, then please share!

PPS – Interested in coaching but not sure about it? Get in touch for a free one-hour coaching session with me. If I think there’s scope to work together I might mention it at the end of the session but this is all about you and working through some of your blocks and limitations.