I’ve been talking to a few people recently who have said they’re introverts, socially awkward, shy and not very confident.

The funny thing is, at no point in the conversation had I thought they were any of these labels they had used to define themselves.

They all came across as totally capable, bubbly, passionate, good communicators, funny, interesting and confident.

And that is the crazy thing – we give ourselves labels, we tell ourselves stories about ourselves.

And we believe it.

We look for the proof (known as confirmation bias) in stuff that has happened to us – like if you felt awkward at a party, you think that must therefore be a sign that you’re an introvert or lacking in confidence.

But here’s the thing – that’s a story you’re telling yourself and its bollocks.

Because the stories we tell ourselves are actually just made up.

It’s not actually who we are. (Which, if you’ve been around me long enough, you’ll know that who you are is actually fricken amazing – no ifs, buts or maybes).

And you know you’re not always an introvert or an extrovert – there are times when you might be a little bit of the other or a little more confident or more shy.

Now, from a scientific perspective, there is research that suggests that introversion and extroversion relates to where we get our energy from – extroverts get it from the buzz, the city, other people while introverts get theirs from being by themselves, nature, quietness.

That’s all well and good but there is a problem in today’s society where there is a tendency to see extroversion as a good trait and introversion as a bad trait.

And then on top of that, we add additional labels – that extroverts are confident while introverts are shy.

Where the problem lies is in how we believe these stories about introverts and extroverts and these additional labels we put on ourselves – because these judgements dictate how we show up in life.

But the thing is extroverts can still feel like they are lacking in confidence and introverts can be the life and soul of a party. But confirmation bias and negativity bias means we selectively forget these anomalies and instead focus on that one time which we conclude (inaccurately) must prove we are what we choose to believe we are.

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter whether we are introverts or extroverts – neither is right or wrong, good or bad.

They are just different.

What matters is how we label it and what we make that mean and how we let that affect how we show up in life.

Because if we show up not aligned to who we really are, how can that be serving us?

We aren’t the stories we tell ourselves.

You will be that story for as long as you believe that’s who you are.

But who you really are is more than that – you are strong, capable, resilient, confident, courageous and awesome.

And you have the choice to be whoever you want to be.

#ownyourawesome

PS – What’s the story you’re telling yourself? If it’s time to tell yourself a new story, let’s have a chat.

PPS – Know someone who might benefit from coaching or this post? Then please share!