Most people pleasers bend and contort themselves to please others because of three key beliefs…

🙏 They fear they aren’t good enough and are seeking approval and validation or
🙏 They fear they don’t belong so they change themselves to “fit in” or
🙏 They are scared that they are unlovable so they please others to avoid rejection, disappointment, judgement and criticism and the risk of not being liked.

I write this as someone who is in the process of being a recovering people pleaser and who has experienced all of the above.

Ultimately the reason we aim to please is because the feeling that comes with not pleasing isn’t exactly a warm, cozy hug.

I mean, who wants to feel like they’re not good enough or the odd one out or rejected or judged?? 🙋‍♀️

From an evolutionary perspective it makes sense why people pleasing behaviour developed – it ensured our survival within the group.

But in today’s society it’s warped into a bit of a monster.

And it’s exhausting saying yes (when you want to say no), kowtowing to others, not putting yourself first, not standing up for yourself, stepping on egg shells, doing things that you think you should do or that you think others think you should do, always being fearful of criticism or being left out.

But how I’ve come to see it is in doing all that you’re not being yourself or being true to YOU (which is why it’s so exhausting).

And the world really needs more people who are just being themselves, and living a life that is aligned to them.

There are two steps which can start you on the path of recovery.

The first is awareness of your behaviour and how you are thinking and feeling.

You can’t change what you’re not aware of, so get aware. Get journaling. Become mindful.

The second is to explore and embrace your value as a person.

Because the more you recognise your value, the more you will want to honour it – like saying no to something the people pleaser in you would say yes to, or standing up for yourself or doing things your way.

There is always an opportunity to be the person you dream to be.

That feeling that this is the best life has to offer or that this is your lot in life doesn’t have to be true for you.

#ownyourawesome

PS – If you’re fed up with your people pleasing tendencies and want to take back control of your life, let’s chat.

PPS – Do you know someone who might benefit from coaching or this post? Please share!