Everybody wants to feel confident, right?

And we hate that feeling when we feel we lack confidence and start doubting our abilities.

It’s at those down times that, as humans, we have a tendency to think that confidence is like a magical property that is the answer to all our problems.

And we believe that all we need to do is to get it and get more of it.

It’s why we reach for the glass of wine before hitting the dance floor – because we think the wine will give us confidence to pull out our dance moves.

It’s why we feel we need another qualification before we can start our dream business – because we believe the qualification will gift us the confidence we’ve been searching for to take that first scary step.

It’s why we think going on a diet and losing weight is the answer to our lack of confidence and attracting a mate.

But here’s the thing. This is all an illusion.

We believe this is how it works because of conditioning through our upbringing, society, marketing, media, peers and then reinforced by our perspective of our own experiences.

So, what’s the truth?

The truth is confidence isn’t something that comes from “out there” – from a glass of wine or a qualification.

It comes from within us.

It’s part of our natural default setting and state of being (or awesomeness, as I like to call it).

In other words, we’re inherently confident (because we are born that way) and it’s a constant part of our make-up that is always there.

Despite what we’re taught, it’s not something that can be lost or sabotaged.

It also means we don’t need to go looking for it “out there”.

We don’t need to “get it” – because we’ve already got it.

And we don’t need to get “more” of it – because we already have enough.

So, what’s happening when we feel like we’re lacking confidence?

I liken this to a sun and cloud analogy.

Think of the sun as your inner confidence and awesomeness. It’s always there shining brightly.

And think of the clouds as your negative thoughts, self-limiting beliefs and inner critic.

Some days it’s a clear day with the sun (your inner confidence) shining – and on those days we feel good about the world and about ourselves. We feel in flow, alive, joyful, peaceful, connected, free and ultimately confident.

But other days we have cloudy thinking. Maybe we feel anxious about an upcoming event, stressed about our workload, scared about the unknowns of a challenging situation or worried about worst-case scenarios if we go after our dreams.

On those days the cloudy thinking hides the brilliance of our sun. We focus on the clouds and how unpleasant they are and forget that the sun (our confidence) is always there in the background.

When we focus too much on the cloudy thinking and buy in to what that thinking is telling us, the result is the heavy and unpleasant feeling of fear and doubt and worry.

We equate those feelings as meaning that we must be lacking in confidence.

We tell ourselves that we don’t feel confident and therefore, we conclude, that must mean that we aren’t confident or that we’re lacking in confidence.

But hang on one pretty little second…

The sun is still there, behind the clouds. It’s always there. It never disappeared.

Just like our confidence is always there, shining in the background, even if we can’t see it in that moment.

Just as on a cloudy day, the sun still gives sustenance to flowers and trees (photosynthesis), warms the air and provides humans with the vital nutrient Vitamin D, our confidence – even when we’re not aware of it or think it’s not there – is still working in the background as one of our superpowers helping us thrive.

When we see the truth about confidence – that it is this amazing, inherent and constant part of us – and when we become more aware of our cloudy thinking and the role that plays, the feeling of confidence becomes more present.

That’s really the secret trick to becoming “more confident”.

So, here’s something to reflect on…

Consider some of the things you’ve achieved, accomplished or done for the first time. How did you feel before starting? Did you feel like you were lacking in confidence? Did you achieve them even if you felt you were lacking in confidence?

Own Your Awesome