I had the music blaring, was having a boogie, when a song that reminded me of a bad time in the past came on.
I went from having a joyful boogie to feeling the anger and self-loathing I used to feel.
But what was really going on?
In the space of the songs changing, nothing else had changed.
I was still in my room. I was still me. I hadn’t grown an extra arm. I hadn’t been transported back in time. I was OK.
All that changed was my thinking about the music. From I like this music to oh god that song reminds me of that s*** time.
My thinking was playing a trick on me, telling me how I should be feeling in that moment – and not based on any truth.
And our thinking does this all the time. It’s always tricking us or creating an illusion of what is real.
That’s because our thinking creates our reality (it’s proven by quantum physics).
It’s not that person, that situation or that song that creates our feelings, it’s the thinking we have about those things (95% of which is subconscious) that creates our feelings and therefore our reality and experience of life. And we believe those thoughts to be true as if they are facts.
But those thoughts aren’t facts. There is no truth behind them. They are an illusion; the greatest magic trick.
My thinking in the past has tricked me into thinking I’m not good enough, that I’m not confident, that I should be more attractive, that such and such is better than me, that I’m boring, that I’m a waste of space, that I’m going to die.
It tricks us every day into how we feel; whether we are sad or worried or stressed.
It tricks us into feeling that we aren’t as magnificent as we really are.
Because our thinking and believing what we think hides the truth that we are stronger, more capable, more resilient and more fricken awesome than we think we are.
Be aware of what you think and feel and question whether there is any truth to it.
You’re a legend!
PS – my coaching process uses an approach that I call “Thought Awareness”. Being aware of what you think, your beliefs and the stories you tell yourself is the first step in seeing how you are holding yourself back from living the life you want, being the person you want to be and achieving your goals and dreams. If you’re curious, let’s chat.
This is an interesting approach. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I do know that negative thinking is very seductive and habit forming. When I was down my rabbit hole I made myself look in the mirror and tell myself a version of “I am woman, hear me roar.” It was along the lines of “I am entitled to feel/be/dream of…” At first I felt totally stupid and cringed at the lies I was telling myself, but gradually that feeling wore off and I did begin to regain my belief in myself as a worthy person. I also forced myself to laugh even though I was feeling the very opposite of cheerful. Gradually, I began to see the funny side of things and the laughter became genuine. You are right, self doubt (self castigation) doesn’t go away. It sneaks back and kicks you when you are down. But if you have developed a series of little strategies you can get yourself back on track. I like the idea of listening to your thoughts and seeing through their lack of substance.
Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience. It’s helpful to know we aren’t alone in what we feel and think.
I am personally of two minds of these sorts of mantras. Essentially you need to believe the essence of them (ie that you believe you are worthy) for them to work. If you don’t believe it in your core then you’re just talking to the mirror and nothing will change. Sometimes we need to see our worth before we can fully appreciate it.
PS – thought awareness is amazing and can be transformational.
That is interesting. So perhaps even though I was in a very dark place, deep down I still had faith in myself despite my negative thoughts. That is a comforting thought. Thank you.
Exactly. And this is why there is always a place for hope.