Sometimes it feels like you don’t know what to do or who you are…

You’re searching for the answers, you’re asking advice, you’re overthinking and stressing about the fact that you “should” know but you don’t.

I’ve been there.

When I was walking the South Island section of the Te Araroa Trail I felt I needed to be finding the answers to who I was and what I stood for and what I wanted my life to be like.

I put so much pressure on myself and then worked myself up for not knowing the answers but also for not even knowing the questions I should be asking myself.

Then as I got closer to the end, I started to worry the answers wouldn’t come.

It’s no surprise that with all that fearful, stressful thinking going on, I didn’t find any answers.

Covid was perhaps fortunate. Five weeks in a yellow motel room with restrictions and nothing to do meant my thinking went in a different direction and I was able to clear my mind.

So what’s going on when you feel like you don’t know what to do or don’t know who you are or what you stand for?

💖 When you overthink, stress, worry, put pressure on yourself to find the answers what happens is you’re caught up in your thinking and this actually blocks how receptive we are to seeing the solutions.

💖 The answers to what to do or who we are never come from outside ourselves. They never come from other people (including coaches), from our jobs or from our achievements.

💖 The answers about who you are, what you stand for, what your purpose in life is, who you want to be and what you want to do – all those answers can be found within you. Deep in your heart.

💖 Because of this, you actually already know the answers you’re looking for. The answers are already there.

💖 All that’s happening is you’re just not receptive to them because of a fear or a doubt or an excuse or an expectation that’s shouting louder than the answer you’re looking for. For instance, you might be worried what other’s will think. You might feel like you have responsibilities. You might fear you’re not good enough.

💖 So what can you do? First thing, as hard as it is, is to stop putting pressure on yourself and feeling like you need to find the answers. You don’t need to find them because they are already there. It’s just a matter of letting them come out.

💖 Second. To let the answers come out, stop focusing so much energy and attention on what your inner voice is telling you and focusing on what you’re scared of. Sure you can’t stop thinking or even what you think but you can choose what you pay attention to.

💖 Essentially we’re wanting to calm our minds so we can open up to the deeper part of us that holds the answers. This can be done through breath work, meditation, listening and engaging with music, gardening, journaling, going for a walk and experiencing nature, practicing gratitude, coaching and any other number of things where we become present and focus on the joy of the now and not on what we are thinking and feeling.

💖 This is often why our best ideas will come to us when we’re in the shower when we’re not thinking about anything. Or why just the process of getting up and going to the loo or putting the kettle on is enough to spark the next sentence in that difficult email we’re struggling with or we remember where we put our glasses. Or why it’s easier to make a decision the next day after “sleeping” on it. In all cases, the answers come when you’re not thinking about them or the problem.

💖 You don’t have to search for the answers. All you have to do is provide a space where you can hear your soul.

#ownyourawesome

My job as a coach is to help guide you to that place so you can find your own answers that are right for you. To find out how that might work, you can get in touch here.