“You know what your problem is…”

The words barrelled out of my mum’s mouth.

“Your problem is you always make assumptions about people that aren’t correct. Like the assumption you’re making about me.”

In the past I would have taken this observation personally.

I would have taken it on board to mean there was something wrong with me. That I was broken. That I had problems that needed to be fixed or changed.

When I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, my boyfriend used this line all the time. The problem with me was this. The problem with me was that.

Get told it enough times and you start to believe it.

Tell yourself enough times that there is something wrong with yourself and you begin to believe it.

BUT… (and I learnt this as I was healing from that emotionally abusive relationship)

There is nothing wrong with you despite what others might say.

There is nothing that needs to be fixed or changed even if other people suggest there is.

And you do not have a problem.

All that’s happening is you’re being you and others are interpreting that based on their own internal belief system that has been honed, conditioned and reinforced over the years – often subconsciously.

So what this means is if someone has a problem with you or thinks there is something wrong with you, it says more about them (and their belief system) than it says about you.

In other words, if mum has a problem with me, that’s her problem. Not mine.

And so I nodded my head and told myself not to take it personally.

But importantly I also told myself to not have a problem with mum; to not judge her or see her as being wrong.

Because mum doesn’t have a problem with being overly critical or telling me what’s wrong about myself or being impatient.

If I want to think that, that’s based on my judgments and interpretations and internal belief system.

And if I want to think that way, then that’s my problem.

The reality is, mum is amazing just the way she is.

Like all of us are.

See beyond the problems (the things we tell ourselves) and you begin to see the strength, beauty, uniqueness and potential that makes up the essence of every one of us.

You see the problems for what they are (judgments we’ve made).

And you find a path towards forgiveness and compassion.

#ownyourawesome

PS – Got a thorny problem or feel like there’s something you need to “fix” about yourself or someone else? Join my next group coaching workshop for women to get a fresh perspective on how to look at it. Starts Sep 19th 2023. More details here.