My parents are having building work done.

Every day at 11am and 3pm my mum makes morning and afternoon tea for said handymen.

They get the option of tea or coffee as well as a selection of biscuits and cakes and several minutes of break time to have a smoke and check their phones.

When I questioned mum about this practice (after she complained how many biscuits the men ate and the expense) she said…

“It’s just what you do.”

In her head she had an expected behaviour she had to live up to. There was no room for negotiation, deviation or looking at it from another angle.

Providing morning and afternoon tea was just what you did.

But I questioned it.

“Says who?” I asked.

Her response: “It’s just what you do and well I want to make sure I get good service.”

(Personally, in my opinion, I’d like to think she’d get good service even if she didn’t provide tea and biscuits. But you can’t control someone else’s behaviour – even through tea and biscuits.)

Expectations are funny things.

So often we let them dictate our behaviour, feelings and our responses to other people, often without even realising.

They can lead to a lot of self-flagellation, disappointment, hurt feelings, indignation and suffering when they aren’t met, either by ourself or others.

In the case of mum, say she forgets or is too busy to meet her expectation of a tea break at 11am, the result is she might feel guilty.

She also has the expectation the builders do their job and they do it well (and so they should, many of us would cry). If they don’t, her expectation hasn’t been met and then she is an unhappy customer.

But the thing with expectations is they are constructs we create (in other words make up) based on our own perspectives and thinking.

I should do such and such because then I’ll be a good person.

I should act in this way because that’s what’s expected of me.

I should behave this way then people will think highly of me.

Others think I should be like this or do this because their opinions matter (more than the ones I have of myself).

Really?

Says who?

Think about it.

Who actually, specifically says or has told you that’s the way it should be?

At the end of the day, we are the makers of our destiny. We choose and say what we want to believe. We choose and say whatever we think is expected of us.

It is only ever ourselves that tells us who we (think we) are and how we (think we) should behave.

And what that means is if we don’t like it we can change it.

We can choose something else to believe that serves us better.

#ownyourawesome

PS – I’m a self-belief coach and I help empower people to believe in themselves so that they can become the people they want to be and achieve their goals and dreams. Curious? I offer a free one-off coaching conversation so you can explore whether it’s right for you. Get in touch.

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