When I first embarked on my quest last year to climb 40 volcanoes by the age of 40, I was driven by the desire to challenge myself, push myself outside my comfort zone and find my full potential. Ultimately, I was in search of a new me, to find out who I really was and what I was capable of.
As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, the year and a half since I started this journey of self discovery has been a bit of a rollercoaster. The mental challenge to start and continue has been immense, and it’s been a shock and something of a revelation as to how my mind works and how much I doubt myself and my abilities. And that is incredibly depressing, which really just adds further fuel to the self-doubt fire, becoming a vicious cycle of self-doubt heaped on self-doubt.
But this, of course, is just one outcome. The other outcome is to not let yourself be ruled by self-doubt and the thoughts that you aren’t good enough, fit enough, sexy enough or rich enough. This other (more positive) outcome sees you overcome and conquer self-doubt and, ultimately, achieve your dreams.
In my head, however, the self doubt still niggled – how could I possibly overcome the negativity? If I already don’t think I’m good enough then how on earth could I even expect to overcome self doubt? I should just give up now and be done with it. (You can see how self doubt worms its way in, sets up home and kills dreams).
But then I thought F**K THIS!!
Self doubt is not going to get the better of me. I am not going to let it win. Sure I will have down days and by golly I will struggle but I want to climb these god-damn 40 volcanoes, I want to get outside more, I want to roam free and wild, I want to challenge myself and have adventures, and I want to seek my full potential.
Really the only person telling me I can’t do this is me – and that is just preposterous.
And so now I have a new motivation to achieve my #40by40. I’m doing it not just to find myself but also to prove that self doubt can be overcome, that it doesn’t have to hold me back from achieving my goals and that I will be a better person for fighting it.
So bring it on!